I started writing this post (the first time) when the skies in Boise were full of smoke from the wildfires and I couldn’t go outside. I stopped working on it for a bit because there were so many more important things, both in my life and in the world, between then and now. I had to prioritize and set boundaries, just like everyone else.
The world has been beyond stressful for at least a couple years now; burnout is the norm. We keep getting hit with more and all of it seems to be making people lose compassion for anyone who doesn’t look, speak, or think like them. Life continues forward with all of the usual stressors, now amplified by our current circumstances, trauma, grief, and exhaustion.
It can feel absolutely overwhelming. You know something needs to change. You can’t keep doing this and need to find some balance in your life. You want to be able to actually enjoy any time you have away from work without feeling guilty about the things you aren’t doing. You want to stay connected to people and meet your own needs at the same time. But creating that life feels impossible.
GETTING LIFE COACHING, COUNSELING, OR FINDING ANY WAY TO DEAL WITH OVERWHELM AND WORRY ABOUT BURNOUT AND COMPASSION FATIGUE HAS BECOME ANOTHER “SHOULD” YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT NOT DOING.
Maybe you’ve gone so far as to search for some help, but now you have all these doubts. How do you find someone who is dealing with the stress of the pandemic, political climate, racism, climate change, etc. themselves that can actually help you? How do you know coaching or counseling will actually help when there is so much to deal with these days? How does anything help when there is more on your plate than you can manage?
YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO IS OFFERING PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION. YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN EMPOWER YOU. YOU FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU SET COMPASSIONATE BOUNDARIES.
Here are some things I wish everyone knew about finding a life coach or counselor for anything, and especially for concerns about burnout, compassion fatigue, and vicarious trauma.
1. A good life coach or counselor can transform your life. Depending on the work you put in, they can help you create things like more energy, confidence, peace, and balance. But it is not a magic pill that makes everything perfect. Transformation takes a mix of time and effort. If someone is offering you something that sounds too good to be true, it likely is, unless they have LOTS of trustworthy proof from people that you relate to. The important part is finding someone that is a great fit for you and your needs.
2. The long-term fix for burnout requires work life integration, not Band-Aids. People offer all sorts of self-care strategies but those strategies don’t work if A) you don’t have time to use them, B) they feel out of alignment with who you are, or C) you are struggling to set and maintain boundaries. To truly take care of ourselves it is about lifestyle changes, again, something that takes time. You need to figure out bigger things so you can take care of yourself long-term.
3. A good life coach or counselor can help you create your work-life balance, your way. When you use your values, strengths, and the life you desire to motivate yourself, you aren’t being told what you have to do and when to do it – you are still in charge. A life coach can help you brainstorm, give you ideas, and even provide direction when needed. A counselor can do that and help you dig deeper to deal with the emotional aspect of what’s gotten in the way of you taking good care of yourself. But neither of them are there to help you live their life, they are there to help you live yours.
4. Your life coach or counselor doesn’t have to be perfect (nobody is). Seriously though, question the life coach or counselor who presents themselves as perfect; it is a good warning sign that someone isn’t authentic. That being said, they should be practicing what they preach and generally taking good care of themselves. In my experience, the best coaches and counselors can both empathize with where you are at and inspire your growth.
5. The life coaches and counselors who truly understand working with and around trauma provide a safe environment. They operate from a point of humility. They make room for you to have your voice heard, make choices, and they are honest and transparent. They work with you to find the best options for YOU. They value you, all of you. They ask for and appreciate constructive feedback. They are your navigator, but you are ultimately the one in the driver’s seat. They will nudge you along but won’t push you harder than you need to be pushed.
6. Your life coach or counselor should provide motivation, not guilt, when you don’t put in the work. You want someone that can find even the smallest thing you did and genuinely celebrate that, find what went right and help you use that to your advantage, or find what got in the way and help you solve the problem. This is especially true when you are frequently feeling judged or not good enough.
I hope this encourages you find the right life coach or counselor for you. One of the nice things about life coaching is you can do it from anywhere, so there is a bigger pool of people to choose from. However, they can’t do the deep emotional work that you might need if you’ve been struggling to make changes for a long time. That’s where you would want a counselor, such as myself. I could be a good fit for you if you are in Boise or anywhere in Idaho.
If you want to learn more about me and how I can help you with burnout, compassion fatigue, or vicarious trauma, you can read more here or check out some of my other blog posts. When you’re ready to start doing the deeper work to finally feel some confidence and calmness, schedule a free consultation with me here.
